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Q & A

Q & A Discussion: Sharina Husted

How do you handle those people in your group who are so needy that they exhaust everyone else?

Sharina Husted responds in our Q & A discussion.

Topics:	Burnout, Conflict, Confrontation, Difficult people, Interpersonal skills, Neediness
Filters:	Coach, Counseling groups, Facilitator, Group Leader, Host, Support groups, Train
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Matthew 18:15-17 , Romans 3:22-24 , Romans 12:18
Date Added:	October 20, 2008

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Total Reader Responses: 0 (see below)

First, you need to distinguish between people with deep personal needs and people who just have bad habits. The first needs major surgery; the second, loving confrontation.

For instance, Patty always dominated the discussion in our small group. What was worse, she did it with a loud volume that alienated others in the group. When I confronted Patty about her disruptive behavior, she shared that she worked in a nursing home with patients who were hard of hearing and didn't realize she brought that into her social world. She asked me to graciously place my hand on her arm as a signal to lower her voice when it became a problem, and she agreed to help me draw others out in our discussion times. That worked out perfectly and the problem was solved.

Unfortunately, not all situations work out this easily. I have had to "blacklist" people with a track record for causing problems in groups they attended. In such cases, we denied them access to groups and set them up with a lay counselor, instead. If they were faithful and made progress in their counseling sessions, they would be granted access back into group life.

We will always face EGR (extra grace required) people. For some, a short talk will solve the problem. For others, a more severe measure is needed. But almost any disruption can be wisely handled by suggesting continuing the conversation after the meeting is concluded or offering to pray for the person in that moment.