Q & A
Q & A Discussion: Sam O'Neal
Our church is forcing us to welcome a convicted sex offender into our family-friendly small group. Is that right?
| Topics: | Accountability, Character, Children, Confidentiality, Difficult people, Ethics, Legal issues, Liability, Youth |
| Filters: | Coach, Director, Family groups, Group Leader, Parents, Pastor, Train, Youth group |
| Purpose: | Discipleship |
| References: |  |
| Date Added: | August 19, 2008 |
Unfortunately, your church is doing precisely the opposite of what is ethical and legal. It's also putting itself at a great financial risk because of potential liability.
There has been a lot of legal pressure in recent years to make sure that any organization that intentionally brings children in contact with adults does everything in its power to prevent an act of child sexual abuse from occurring. This includes Boy Scouts, schools, day care centers—and churches. If these organizations do not take reasonable steps to prevent abuse, they can be guilty of negligence and liable for big, big lawsuits.
For example, if this individual were to sexually abuse a child in your small group, it is very possible that the parent of that child would seek to sue the church for damages (both situations happen a lot more than you may think). In order to prove that the church was not negligent, leaders would have to show that they took a "reasonable standard of care" to prevent the abuse from happening. This often includes background checks, layers of supervision, membership in a church for at least six months before an adult can work with children, and so on.
In your situation, however, the church is intentionally forcing a known sex offender into several relationships with children. Beyond the fact that such a decision makes no common sense, it is extremely negligent and an extremely bad idea from a legal and financial aspect.
The leaders of your church must believe that this individual has genuinely been changed through the power of Christ, and I truly hope that is correct. But he is still human and still subject to weakness. And such a conversion doesn't change the fact that your church (and your small group) has a moral and legal responsibility to protect the children in its care.
You can learn a lot more about this issue at one of our sister resources: http://www.reducingtherisk.com/.
"And He knelt down and wrote something in the sand." Then He said, "Let him with no sin cast the first stone." I have been molested, once when I was about 4 years old, and then again by an adult relative when I was about 9 years old, over a period of months. I was also raped when I was 11 years old. I have forgiven these men so I could find healing in Jesus, and I have prayed that they have found the grace of our Lord, and asked for forgiveness, so that they may be healed also. As a matter of fact, the relative who molested, asked me a couple of years later to forgive him, and I did. How do we know this person's pain? How can we judge what's going on inside him? For that matter, how can we judge what's going on inside the hearts of the leadership of our churchers? How do we know for certain that one of our Deacon's doesn't have a problem with child pornography?
Paul Comes to mind in this case. I'll agree with Sam's second comment and say that the offender may need to be in an adult group rather than a group with children, but the church is right in the sense that it is working to embrace this person. Can you imagine how hard it must have been for the early church to accept Paul? And yet they found a way to do so. This impulse on the part of the church is what makes church good, even if the practice isn't so great.
First you need to know the offenders crime. Was it against a child or an adult? If the crime was against a child under the age of 12 Or 6 depending on the state, the offender is putting himself/herself in the position to be charged with a class c felony for violating the sex offender laws. However, I believe that we must forgive as Christ forgives us, and Christ can forgive any crime. Having anyone forced into a particular small group is wrong and an abuse of power. Accepting an ex-sex offender is not hard to do, we do it daily for ex-alcoholics and drug addicts who may have harmed someone while until the influence. The sex offender issuse is a hot issue, with strong opposing opinions. You may have contact with all types of felons and not know it, they may even be your friend or neighbor. We should do as the Lord commands, "Forgive them as I have forgiven YOU." Help our brother or sister to walk closer with the Lord, not make them the lepers of today.
You guys make very good points. It's a bad idea to put this person in a small group where children are present, but it's also a bad idea to deny him the healing and accountability that community offers. I don't think the answer to to form a "sex offenders only" small group--there is room for healing and trust in the church. But leadership does need to step in and make sure the man joins a small group where no children are present. That's the reality of past actions and consequences.
Thanks for the insights, Sam. You're right that although we want to welcome the hurting and broken--which includes everyone to some extent--we can't put our children at risk. But by excluding former offenders from community, aren't we failing to extend them full forgiveness? What is the solution?
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